


metanoia

by adlerobsessed



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Child Abuse, Mentions of Violence, a fair bit of murder, eyy its the messed up sorrows family!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:47:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26029708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adlerobsessed/pseuds/adlerobsessed
Summary: China has seen the filled graves, she knows her grandmother had siblings both older and younger, family both stronger and weaker, who were buried by the woman. It is a tradition in their family. That is all there is to be said.Her grandmother laughs and China feels her very soul turn cold.  “No, foolish child. The gods will never choose one such as you.”-There were nine coffins in her family’s crypt, and China could tell the story of how eight of them came to be filled.
Relationships: Mr. Bliss & China Sorrows
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	metanoia

**Author's Note:**

> Three things inspired this fic - the description of the coffins at China's estate, the description of her grandmother and her death, and lastly, the sigil that China uses to defend herself against that sensitive - she mentions that she has only ever had to use it once, and I thought it fit in very well here.

At fourteen, China knows she is considered the least important of the two. While she may be beautiful, what good has love ever been in a show of strength, compared to her brother’s dominating presence? What good has dead languages ever been compared to physical power?

She is too meek, too mild, too _obedient_ and China wants to scream until her throat is hoarse and bloody because how can she be judged for being the cowed creation that her family had beaten her into becoming?

All too easily it seems, as her grandmother once again lectures Bliss on the responsibilities of leadership and how he will need such qualities when he comes to be the head of their house. Such talks are becoming more and more frequent, after the discovery of her cousin’s body in the river a month ago.

Aenwyn, a sharp eyed girl who had always understood much. China knows better than to think that it was a mere accident that she ended up in the water.

“You will come to know this when you take leadership of this house,” her grandmother continues, clipped tones betraying no interest in the subject.

“If,” China murmurs offhandedly, continuing to focus on her page. It is a new addition to her father’s library, and although her gifts may be useless in some regard, China has always been able to cajole other well enough to get her own way.

The room falls silent, and suddenly there is an overwhelmingly heavy presence in her mind that causes China to cry out. She all but falls to the ground, hands gripping at her scalp as she tries to soothe the crushing pressure from inside that threatens to split her in half.

“Do not mumble.” It must be spoken as China sees Bliss unconsciously straighten at their grandmother’s cool tone. The words may seem indifferent but the two siblings know better, with the head of their family wielding supposed neutrality as cruelly as any knife.

China manages to prevent herself from whimpering, knowing such a pitiful act would only worsen her situation, and pulls herself up into a seated position. China does not dare meet her grandmother’s eyes. Any act of such disobedience had long been beaten out of her as an infant.

“Good. Now, repeat what you said, clearly this time, girl.” Her grandmother comes to stand in front of her, black skirts sweeping softly in front of her even as China’s head seems about to crack open due to the increased

She grits her teeth, biting down any fury she felt. “If,” China repeats, her voice steady and even.

Sharp lances of pain stab through her mind and China cannot help but feel hot tears welling up in her eyes. “I said, clearly,” her grandmother instructs, her voice easily detached.

“If,” China says yet again, practically spitting out the words. “You speak of it as an eventuality, when it is merely an outcome.”

China has seen the filled graves, she knows her grandmother had siblings both older and younger, family both stronger and weaker, who were buried by the woman. It is a tradition in their family. That is all there is to be said.

Her grandmother laughs and China feels her very soul turn cold.“No, foolish child. The gods will never choose one such as you.”

-

China is fifteen when the tides turn in her favour, her aunt and uncle’s bodies carried to that dark crypt, lips wracked in sores and eyes bloodshot. Her family may never have thought her a potential player, but now that another has struck down an opponent, there is finally room for her on the chess board, even if it’s just as a pawn.

“Was it you?” China asks Bliss quietly one night, when their grandmother is speaking to their father.He shakes her head and China frowns, because uncertainty is just as dangerous as a knife hurtling towards you.

“Girl.” It is not a question, but a demand, one her grandmother knows she will obey, so China immediately stands up and walks over to where the woman sits on the chaise tongue. She automatically bows her head, keeping her eyes firmly on the ground.

“I’ve heard from your father that your tutors are impressed by your skill,” her grandmother offers, and if this was anyone else, China would’ve accepted the compliment. But it is not, and China grows wary with apprehension.

The woman pauses, mulling over her words before she speaks finally, saying, “I wonder what you plan to do with such talent.”

China just manages to stop herself from shrugging though, by the way her grandmother’s jaw clenches, she is not quick enough. “I wish to serve my family, and the gods, however best I can.”

“Hm,” the other woman muses, gazing at her with such cold intensity that China feels like her heart may give out at any second. “Very well. _Serve_.”

She knows that her grandmother chooses to repeat her word with cruel intentions, but China does not mind. To be acknowledged at all is achievement enough for her.

-

China is sixteen when she hurries down the staircase, dressed in her riding habit and _anxious_ to mount her horse.

“Girl.”

China pauses for a moment, steeling herself, before turning to face her grandmother, taking care 

to bow her head slightly. “Yes?”

“Yes?” Her grandmother’s voice does not drip in disdain, but the unspoken words say all they need to. The silence that is left offers China the chance to apologise for such intolerable manners.

China smiles sweetly. “Is there something you needed, ma’am?”

Her grandmother’s eyes narrow, but China remains on her feet, so that is some victory. “You are going out.”

“Is that a problem? I have already attended morning prayers.” _Unlike you_ is unspoken, but her grandmother understands the intended blackmail all the same, and China winces when her entire head flashes with hot white pain.

“Careful, child. I do not appreciate insolence.” Her grandmother almost sounds bored, and China would’ve even thought so, if not for the way the woman’s lips twitched slightly as she watches her granddaughter sway, nausea bubbling in China’s stomach.

“There is no reason for me not to go out riding with my cousin. Your attention is better spent on Bliss, grandmother.”

“So you have given up your claim? How easily you submit.”

China maintains a polite expression. “I’ll leave your judgements to you,” she offers. _And one day, you will see how right you were_ , she thinks as she hurries out into the courtyard, smiling disarmingly at her already waiting cousin.

-

When China is eighteen, Bliss flees their home.Her grandmother’s cool facade cracks for the first time, and China has never seen her so distraught. Still, she bows her head. Although she may despise being the second choice, China will not lose her chance now merely because she was too presumptuous, too arrogant.

But when her grandmother turns to her, limbs awkward as she swallows the bitter blood of defeat, China only smiles dumbly in confusion. “But you told me I would better serve the family as.. well, not at all. “

Her grandmother would never openly admit to being wrong, and the rest of her assembled family, which China is sure has.. _depleted_ over the last several years, practically leer at the woman as she clenches her fist. China knows she will not attack her here, as resorting to such methods is as much of a defeat as laying down and giving up. Instead, her grandmother frowns, eyes studying her intently.

China does not even offer her another glance, instead turning to the weasel of a man on her left. Not a particularly influential man, but the sorcerer did have access to otherwise... _restricted_ circles.

And so she smiles beautifully at the man, ignoring the way her grandmother’s cold eyes bore into her back.

-

War is approaching, and China’s mother and father are dead. She does not mourn. Grief is a weakness only allowed in times of peace, and when the very foundations of her world are under attack, China does not have the luxury of time for sentiment. And so, she returns to the country manor, where her grandmother resides.

“I assume you’ve heard the news,” she offers in lieu of a greeting, because China does not care for pretences anymore, not when she has been bowing and scraping for years.

Her grandmother frowns. “Is that how you speak to me, girl?”

“We both know I have a name. And I am no longer just a girl.”

“Is that so? Well, shall I teach this grown woman her first lesson, then?” Her grandmother’s eyes narrow and China collapses to the ground. “Have you already forgotten to bow in front of your superiors after a time away?”

“I..do not,” China spits out, hands clawing at her scalp. She glares at the other woman. “I have no superior.”

Her grandmother merely arches one brow. “Is that so, little girl? Have you suddenly grown teeth?”

China’s fingers find the etched symbols on her temple and suddenly her grandmother turns white, then green as her legs give out, with her finally experiencing the pain of being trapped in one's mind. China wastes no time, even though she feels like she’s about to pass out herself, and launches herself at the fallen woman, hands wrapping around her pale throat.

Her grandmother is a _beast_ and everyone knows a monster is its most dangerous when it’s dying.

“The scorpion never changes its nature, grandmother,” China says to her, the family’s mantra being practically ingrained in her heart, more than love, sadness or any other sentimental _feeling_. She leans her whole bodyweight on the woman, trapping her thrashing body to the ground. “ You just never bothered to learn mine.”

“The gods will never… let one so weak as you,” her grandmother hisses, frantically scrambling as her arms, shaken and scared without her magic to protect her.

China merely smiles, and lets her mental defences come down for the first time in years and her grandmother’s eyes practically bulge as she finally comprehends the length of her deception.

At fourteen, China knew she was considered the least important of the two. And she does not care in the slightest. While her brother may be strong, what good was such a threatening presence, when she could easily slip into the comforts of other’s homes?What good was physical prowess, when she could have a man’s heart burst merely by the brush of her fingertip?

China has never been too meek, too mild, too _obedient_ and she wants to rip her grandmother to shreds for ever believing that China had been beaten into the cowed creation that her family had desired. And so, her hands remain wrapped around her grandmother’s throat, as she allows herself the satisfaction of this moment.

The first cousin is smothered when she is thirteen, and China convinces the gardener to dump her body in the river.

Her grandmother’s face turns purple, starved of air and life, as she practically froths at the mouth, trying to loose herself from China’s iron grip.

Her aunt and uncle’s drinks are poisoned when she is fifteen, and China convinces the servant to take the fall, with another sorcerer family being implicated in the process.

If China wants, she could brush those symbols on her knuckles and shatter this woman’s windpipe, skin rupturing and bone shattering under such strength.

Another cousin dies from a snapped neck when she is sixteen, and China convinces the stablehand to say that the horse went mad.

Her grandmother’s fingers dig into her skin like talons and her mouth wrenches open, perhaps with a last desperate prayer to their gods. But when have their gods ever cared about justice and what’s fair?

Two names are slipped to a man with radical connections when she is eighteen, and China convinces her family that she will avenge her murdered parents.

Thrashing, clenching, squirming, China relishes every part of it, allowing herself the rare pleasure of indulging her darker desires. For China has never been too weak, and this foolish woman was too arrogant to see.

And so as her grandmother pleads, China merely smiles and repeats, “Do not mumble.” The woman’s vision must be darkening now as she struggles to meet China’s eyes, but still, she tries to speak, and China tightens her grip that little more. “Repeat what you said, clearly this time.”

-

Another grave is dug in the middle of the night when she is nineteen, and China convinces the servants that the mud is from riding.

-

They are nine coffins, and two of them are empty. When the war ends, China will make sure her brother fills the eighth.

She will have her victory as her own, a finality, rather than the outcome of her brother’s cowardice.

Because as long as a player remains, she is still not yet the victor.


End file.
